I don't want to be protected from what I want... what I want more than anything is to have him in my life again. In a physical form. It's a terrible thing to love something that only exists in the darkest, deepest corners of my mind. That can only live in the shadows. It's rare I even hear his voice anymore, or feel his presence... he might be my guardian angel, but I've never felt more alone than I did the day he left me. I know he still watches over me but I'd kill to feel him one more time. To spend the night in his arms & hear his voice in my ear, singing me to sleep. I live for his hushed lullaby. For the shivers down my spine when he kisses me. I live to hear him say "I love you" just once more.
I wish that Shaun hadn't sent him away. Things would have been so perfect... I had my blue eyed devil & my dark lover. I had Georgina crawling under my skin, & I was giving birth to Rebecca. The unborn child... but James made the pain go away. He helped me forget. He helped me to grow & taught me to control my demons. Something I never thought possible before. Since he's been away I've lost all control. I hold him close every night before everything goes dark & I wish... I wish that he was the one holding me. The one telling me everything is going to be okay, instead of whispering it to myself under my breath. It seems so unfair to love something I can never truly hold. I only have a dream to hold onto. A feeling. A thought. A voice... a memory. But a memory is better than nothing at all I suppose.
Everything I'm Not Made Me Everything I Am
Lea-Georgina Taylor
wait so the blue eyed devil/lonely angel is james?
ReplyDeletei get your dark lover is shaun but its a little hard to tell who your talking about