This is War

It's strange to read everything I've written in the past few weeks compared to the past few months. It's like looking at things from two different individual's point of view. I remember the last thing I wrote about Shaun before he came back from Reno. It might seem a little obsessive or silly, or childish... but it just doesn't seem like I was the one writing it. It's like I'm outside of myself looking in. I don't know who that person is anymore. She's a stranger to me, but sometimes when I look in the mirror, I catch a glimpse of a lonely, broken little girl who's trying ever so hard to be strong. It's a shame that the one man she thought she could rely on to protect her from monsters like me was only a broken little boy with freckles & incredibly blue eyes. The battle's been won. The war is only just about to begin.

"He was incredible. Intelligent & devious, in the most wicked sense of the word. He was skilled in the art of love... but in receiving it to the fullest & making you believe your love had been returned. I'm not sure he wanted to understand the way he made me feel about him. I think that's why he took the last shard of my heart I had left & ran away... I could call him a thief, but I'd be lying. I gave him my miserable, shriveled little heart, somehow knowing I would get nothing in return. All he left me to dwell on were perfect memories. How can I hate him now?"

"Love never made much sense to me. My parents never really showed me a good example of what love truly looks like, & my attempts at love were incredibly poor up until I met Shaun. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I made him my everything, & when I lost him I was left with nothing. Nothing but an empty chest, a broken soul, & a chance to begin again."

Everything I'm Not Made Me Everything I Am

Lea-Georgina Taylor