Unstoppable

Sometimes solitude is my only escape. I'm afraid of the way I feel... Being alone is the only way I can process everything long enough to realize that I'm no longer afraid of being vulnerable, but I'm afraid that I'm holding back too much. There's only so much excitement in living a life filled with secrets & mystery. Now that my defenses are shot, I no longer seem to worry about Shaun finding things out about my past. Knowing that he'll leave it in the past, & that he'll still love me after everything I've done makes all the trials we've been through so much more worth it. Never have I been with anyone that's really let me leave my past behind me & really move forward with my life. It's the best feeling in the world.

Last night I was dreaming about James & Rebecca. It seems strange to feel so distant from James after so long, but it doesn't mean I don't care. It just feels like he's so far away, & our connection is no longer strong enough to communicate... but in my dream I lost him. Rebecca had complete control of me & was setting the world on fire, & I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. Thankfully, I don't even remember the last time I really lost control to Rebecca or Georgina, & I couldn't be more grateful. I finally feel free again. I don't have to fight to use my own mind or body the way I want to or need to. The noise might have died down for a moment, but silence was never so blissful.

Now that I'm finally moving forward with my life, I can start dreaming again. Only problem is, I'm not sure if I dare...  I still hate being let down, or failing in my pursuits with a fiery passion... but I miss having hopes. For a long time, the only thing I've had any faith in at all is that if I worked hard to earn Shaun's trust, that we'd be together again & we would be happy. Now that has become a reality, I want to start believing in myself as well as Shaun & our relationship. This past week has given me the opportunity to see what I'm really capable of, & this has been with my family pushing me & supporting me. Imagine what I could do once I can legally work & I have a good education! I feel unstoppable right now... like I could do anything & everything I set my mind to. I'm high on life, & it's the most incredible feeling in the world.

Everything I'm Not Made Me Everything I Am

Lea-Georgina Taylor